Nose Jobs, Journaling, and Miracle Mornings
Last night I came home and tried to get back on track with figuring myself out. I've been in a weird space lately, so for those who don't know, I got a nose job back in February. It's something that I had been wanting pretty badly since I was in high school. The weird thing about the whole decision was my attitude about it. I feel like I need to provide more background on this, so the best idea may be to link here to the beginning of a sequence of posts that I archived a while back.
I always knew I would eventually get the surgery but what I didn't expect is how my attitude would change as I got older. I think after I got married and was no longer engaging in anything creative professionally or personally, I started to realize I was losing myself. This was about the same time I went back to school to get another college degree, this time in paralegal studies. Pretty big departure from interior design. I was working full time and taking on three night classes and completely set aside my social life. I think it must have been a few semesters in that I was really losing touch with myself. I started meditating and attempting to get myself more aligned with my soul that a year later (March 2017) I decided to start this blog for real. At this time I thought I would be graduating in May only to find out that not all my credits transferred and I would need to wait complete 4 more classes before officially completing my degree this past December.
During that time I tried to make time between semesters to work on this blog, and I had started a messy version of making writing a habit. Basically, I now have 50 different incomplete blog posts that collectively overwhelm me and leave me scatter-brained.
What also happened around this time last year was that I paid off my car. The thing about my nose job is that after finding out several years ago the actual cost of it, I decided to wait until I paid my car off to get my nose done. Paying off my car happened at a time where I was doing a lot of soul-searching and meditating. So my mindset was kind of conflicted at the time, on the one hand, I was way less insecure about my nose and on the other hand, I still really wanted to get the surgery. This quickly turned into self-judgment, I was feeling so bad about myself for gaining so much personally and yet still wanting this surgery that has this stigma of being vain and ego-driven. I get it, it's major surgery for the sake of changing your appearance. But I worked through it, and after talking about with a few people, and then finally meeting a new friend that told me about her rhinoplasty, I decided to drop all the negative self-talk that tried convincing me I was being vain for wanting a different nose and start meeting with surgeons.
In a weird way, I really thought that was the last thing holding me back. I thought that once I had my mind clear of thinking about my damn nose all the time, I would have all this space for starting this passion project. So I had my nose job done earlier this year on February 15th and after going through all the motions of having my nose change constantly day to day while it's healing from the surgery, once it finally started to settle down into the desired size I was left with the other thoughts that have been hanging in the shadows.
I was left with a feeling that I really need to make the decision to step fully into my own feet and commit to the things that I wanted to focus on, like this blog. So I began turning my hour-long lunch breaks at work into a "spiritual" hour. I get into my car and park facing a view (always while being able to keep an eye on my surroundings to stay safe), and listen to an inspiring podcast, and more importantly, journaling.
I forget who I heard it from, but I was listening to an interview when the woman mentioned that the most powerful habit she had was journaling daily. She specifically said that she journaled about her dream life and goals in the present and past tense so that she could get into the mindset of already having all that she wanted. This sparked my journaling habit which I've been doing consistently for about 6 weeks now.
I most recently started journaling to focus on intentionally aligning with the woman that I envision myself becoming. Someone who isn't afraid to fully be herself, treats people kindly, acts with integrity, and lives her life with all of her heart and soul. The shifting is still very fresh, but I feel the least resistant today significantly more than any day previously. A few days ago someone posted on a FB Group that I am a part of that "The Miracle Morning" was free on Kindle, I had heard of the book before so I quickly clicked the Amazon link and downloaded it. I decided last night after some confusion as to what to do with my free time, I got on my kind app and decided to read the book. I ended up reading through the description of the Life S.A.V.E.R.S. chapter and almost exactly 24 hours ago from right now as I'm typing this, I decided I would go to bed with the intention of starting a Miracle Morning routine.
Right before lying on my bed to go to sleep I decided, as the book suggests, that whatever amount of sleep I got between then and 6 am, it would be the perfect amount of sleep needed to get me through my day. The next morning my alarm clock went off and I lifted my head slowly off the bed to find Noodles, my little black cat sleeping next to my head. We both looked at each other with sleepy eyes, and I looked back towards my alarm and hesitated. I did a quick body check and realized that I wasn't that groggy and realistically could get up at that moment and start my miracle morning. I hesitated again, but managed to still pull myself out of bed, turn my alarm off (no snooze), put my contacts on, brush my teeth, wash my face and proceed to the living room to do 10 minutes of each of the following: meditation, affirmations, visualization, dry brushing followed by light exercise, reading, and journaling.
I ended up getting to work about 20 minutes early and having a really good spiritual hour at lunch. During my lunch, I saw a gorgeous white egret fly elegantly in front of me (like 100 yards away) and perch itself for several minutes within my view. I rarely see these birds and have never seen one in that part of Santa Ana. So, as my hippie-senses were tingling I looked up the meaning of this bird that felt like a sign from the universe and found this site that hit all to close to what I have been journaling about in my notebook - hand notes, nothing digital so I know this isn't an internet spying/stalker thing.
I honestly can't believe in coincidences anymore, the more I look back on everything that has happened in my life, it's all been so pivotal. If I had to do it all over again I can only pray that I don't change a thing about my past. I hope this didn't feel like rambling, but I really wanted to just put this out there and allow it to be raw.
If you feel like joining in on my journey or sharing some of your thoughts then please comment below, subscribe, and/or check me out on Instagram. I would love to have you join me.
With love and gratitude,